Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Irrational things to be afraid of:

I tend to be a worrywart. But never, ever about things that should actually be feared. Walking around a Mexican border town? No problem. Impending hurricanes/tornadoes/flash floods? We'll be fine!! There is a man following me in a back alley in the middle of the night in a dangerous part of town. Oh, I'm sure he just wants to ask me for directions.

However, there are a lot of things that I'm scared of that are completely ridiculous.
Such as:

- Toilet snakes - I always have to look in the toilet bowl before I sit down. I just know that a snake has come up from the sewer and is waiting to bite me on the ass.

- Germs - yes, germs are everywhere. But I should buy stock in Purell. I just know that whenever I have kids, they are going to end up having horrible medical problems when they're older, because I will have raised them in a germ-free bubble.

- Flying - I know, I know, flying is way safer than driving. But I still hyperventilate and get heart palpitations every time I get in an airplane. I also KNOW that every flight I'm on will lead to my death. I never actually anticipate getting to my destination in one piece.

- Zombies - What if that shit really happened!??!!?

- Frogs - but we will not be discussing this fear. I have broken up with friends because they teased me about this.

- Buying things from Craigslist, and discovering a new Craigslist killer.

- Propellers flying off of wind turbines (which are everywhere in Germany) and crushing me.

- The stairs in my house collapsing as I am stepping on the top step of the 3rd floor. That would hurt. A lot.

- Flesh eating virus. 'Nuff said.

- Becoming a moron overnight and using the wrong "your/you're."

- I have to keep my feet underneath the covers, and not hanging off the edge of the bed, no matter how hot it is in the bedroom. It's a proven fact that monsters will eat your feet off. Also, if I hear any strange noises in the house at night, I'm not above pulling the covers over my head and half-suffocating myself the rest of the night. Ghosts can't find you if you're under the covers.

- What if our reality isn't really reality, but rather the dream of another being, and when he/she/it wakes up, I'll no longer exist?!?

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