Let me start this blog by talking about how NOT into sports I am. Really, it's not possible for me to care less about football or baseball than I do right now. I may watch basketball on occasion, but really only care if the Spurs are on. And even then, I only care half-assedly. I wouldn't even mind watching soccer, but still would rather do a whole lot of other things first. Generally, I know the basic rules of most sports, so I'm not really lost if I'm forced to watch. However, football is beyond me. I get the basics - and by basics, I mean EXTREME basics. Try and get the ball to the end of the field. I have had people explain it to me several times. But, when it comes to actually making sense of what I'm watching, I have NO idea. It's 3 seconds of playtime, interspersed with 15 minutes of regrouping. And I don't even know where the hell the ball is 99% of the time. So it's basically 5 hours of watching something I don't understand, and don't care to.
So, boy was I excited when I found out we were going to a football game last Saturday. Yes, American Football. Josh's friend/coworker actually plays on a German professional team - the Kaiserslautern Pikes. The game was the final game of the season, and a huge rivalry - Kaiserslautern Pikes vs. Frankfurt Universe.
First of all, what the HELL is with the team names?? A fish versus the totality of existence. Riiiiight.
Anyway, it's cloudy skies when we leave, and it is definitely threatening to rain. As soon as we get to K-town, it starts sprinkling, but barely. Unfortunately, we had to park at the bottom of a hill, which means I got to walk like an 80 year old to get up to the stadium. My bionic ankle seems to do much better going up stairs than up a hill.
We get to the stadium, and things start looking rather...interesting. It was basically a high school football field, with ONE side of bleachers (well, not bleachers, just concrete steps built into the hill). And now it starts to drizzle. Luckily Josh grabbed raincoats for us on the way out.
Oh wait...they weren't raincoats, they were WINDbreakers. Which means, not waterproof! Of course, Josh tried to argue with me, while we were getting rained on, that of COURSE they were waterproof, and I am just crazy and crabby. But fortunately (eye roll) it eventually started pouring, and Josh was forced to admit that he may, in fact, be wrong about the jackets being waterproof.
But I am jumping ahead of myself.
Looking around at the fans, I started getting in a better mood...despite the fact that rain was now dripping down the front of my too-small-for-my-ginormous-head hood on the "waterproof" rain jacket. Germans are enthusiastic, man! This may have well been the Super Bowl for these people.
Remember reading about Quidditch? And then seeing it come to life in the movies? (and if you don't know what I'm talking about, you should be ashamed of yourself) Well, there was definitely a Quidditch flavor to this game. I can't put my finger on it, but there was something so foreign about this football game. Well, you know, other than the fact that we're in Germany. Maybe it's just a combo of the venue, the excitement of the fans, the cheerleaders...I don't know.
Speaking of which - oh boy, the cheerleaders. Thinking of them just makes me giggle. There were, and I kid you not, literally a MINIMUM of 60 cheerleaders. Plus, there were FOUR DIFFERENT SQUADS. One team had really really nice "typical" outfits, one team had high-schoolish outfits, and the other two wore booty shorts and tank tops. Oh, and they were apparently all deaf, because not two cheerleaders were in time with each other...even on the same squad. Plus, I'm pretty sure they were all in junior high. But they sure were cute! (eye roll #2)
I guess I can't make fun of the cheerleaders too much, because once they started their "routines" it started raining. Like, for real rain. It is at this point that Josh keeps glancing over at me, giggling at the daggers my eyeballs are shooting at him. I don't even know why I'm wearing the "waterproof" jacket at this point, because my bra is thoroughly soaked, and the jacket has turned into a portable sauna. I can't tell if the stuff dripping off my face is rain or sweat, but it doesn't matter if it is sweat, because I'm wet anyway. Oh, and here's the point where Josh says "hmm....maybe these jackets aren't waterproof."
Ok, so there's some more football, blah blah blah. The ball is thrown a couple times, blah blah blah. They play "Roll Out the Barrel" at every pass. That was pretty funny. Ok, 2 minutes to half time, thank God.
Oh wait, it's no longer raining. Now it's a monsoon. Complete with lightning and thunder. Do they stop the game? Well, heck no! Why would they stop it with only 2 minutes to go?? Meanwhile, cheerleaders are still dancing (well, one team went racing by us to find shelter - they were the ones in the uber-fancy outfits). At this point, my socks are soaked. So, a couple more lightning strikes, and Josh and I decide that maybe it's time to go.
Of course, I have to pee. I always have to pee. I have the bladder the size of a walnut.
Luckily, there are bathrooms close at hand. I get into the stall, and realize there is no hanger for my purse. OOOOOOOHHHHH, I HATE that. So I'm holding my purse, and literally peeling my wet blue jeans down. That wasn't so bad. It was the pulling them UP that was the problem. I'm stuck in the stall, shivering because even though there is no A/C anywhere in Germany, this bathroom is like a freezer, and the sweat and steam that had collected inside my personal sauna has turned to ice. And, my pants are so wet, I can't get them up without both hands. But, I don't HAVE both hands free, because I am NOT putting my purse down anywhere inside this gross-ass stall. So, I hang the purse around my neck, un-peel my jeans that were rolled down to my knees, and manage to not become hypothermic when the frozen blue jeans hit my bare ass.
Then we get to walk back down the hill to our car, which is now no longer parked on solid ground, but in an acre of mud soup.
But actually, all in all, I had a great time. It's like being an outside observer to some strange tribal dance. The atmosphere was great, the German football chants were great, and the cheerleaders....well...bless their little hearts, they tried.
No comments:
Post a Comment