Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Sun's a Ball of Buttah

Not that I would know, because it rained off and on all day while in Trier.

But the Bolton children do not let misfortunes get in the way of fun. We're hard-wired like that. We have to be, seeing as how our lives have always been comedies of error. But in a good way. We've gotten really good at rolling with the punches. And they aren't even punches, more like paper cuts in between the toes of life. Why toes? Because it's weird. Trust me, my family is weird. And I wouldn't trade that for the world.

Unfortunately, my husband is not so used to bumps in the road. His family didn't do a whole lot of traveling growing up, so he hasn't experienced all of the quirks that come with the territory. Plus, he likes to have more control over situations, and I tend to let things just roll off my back. I figure, the little issues in life have to work themselves out, right? EVERYTHING ALWAYS WORKS OUT, so there is no point in getting worked up over hiccups. Be it explosive diarrhea in a Colorado outhouse, running out of cash in the middle of England, explosive diarrhea on an Irish honeymoon, to avoiding the Deliverance-style hillbillies in the middle of Arkansas - it ALWAYS WORKS OUT. Oh, and it's always a good idea to carry Immodium with you, wherever you go.

So, Chris, Josh and I went to Trier for the weekend. It is Germany's oldest town, founded somewhere around 16BCE. I had found a tour company that did walks thru the city, highlighting the Roman ruins, castles, and Marxist landmarks. (Trier is the birthplace of Karl Marx). With all the planning I did, (finding parking, things to do, tour group, etc.) I neglected to check the weather. Oops.

Believe me, that is just one 'oops' among many in my life. I'm Courtney, and I'm a Chronic Oopser.

Anyway, we get to Trier, and find parking that is not even remotely close to the lot I found online, (the one that was conveniently located near all of the sites). Oh, and the parking lot we found had a two-hour maximum. And WHY did we park in this crappier lot?? I have no idea. I'm the girl stuck laying down in the back seat of the car, trying to get the blood that's been pooling in my gimp leg back up to my heart where it should be. But Josh is irritated with the Trier traffic, so there is no use putting up a fight.

Was that passive-aggressive?? That sounded passive-aggressive....sorry babe, I LOVE YOU!!


Anyway, we finally get to the "entrance" of old town Trier. Porta Nigra.

Impressive, eh?? Unfortunately, here's where things start to get a little...uncomfortable. It's been overcast this whole time, but now the wind starts picking up. Not just "it's about to rain" wind, but "your ass is about to be frozen to your wheelchair" wind. I don't know how quick the temperature dropped, but all I kept picturing was the part of the Little House on the Prairie books where Laura talks about the poor cows being frozen to the ground, mid-graze. Except this cow was in a wheelchair, and starving. And then, it starts to rain. It's not cats & dogs kind of rain, but keep in mind, I'm in a cast. If my cast gets wet, I have to go to the emergency room to get a new one. And that is NOT something any of us want to put up with.

So, since Chris and I are both hungry (we're Bolton children, after all), we all decide to go ahead and eat lunch while we wait out the weather. All the restaurants around here have outdoor seating areas, with big umbrellas over the tables & chairs. It would have been nice to go inside somewhere, to get away from ole Hans Frost, but per usual, there were steps everywhere. At least it gave us an excuse to buy some drinks to "warm up". I was feeling pretty good after that lunch. Unfortunately, beer makes me have to pee like a racehorse, and getting to a handicapped WC is not the easiest thing in the world. BUT, as always, things always work out, and another Bolton crisis was averted.

After lunch (which, for me, consisted of a fried mashed potato burger, complete with french fries...just call me Spuds) we decided to just do a VERY quick walk around a couple of the blocks. It still looked like we were going to get rained on, and at this point we were a little worried about our parking spot. The 2 hour max had come and gone.

Thankfully we got back to the lot when we did, because Not-so-lovely Rita was patrolling, and handing out tickets left and right.

We weren't quite done with Trier yet, though. I wanted to see some Roman ruins before we left, so we headed over to the amphitheater, which was a few blocks away. The rain was still holding off, and because the amphitheater was basically a big hole in the ground, the wind couldn't reach us, and it wasn't so cold.

It was actually really awesome. But I am a nerd with a BA in anthropology & geography, so this stuff excites me.

The guys were able to go down below, and look at all the gladiator holding tanks, or whatever you want to call them. Me, being Peg Leg Sue, got to stay above ground and keep the peasants from revolting.

Here I am on my trusty Chariot of Death, with my slave Gladiolus helping me charge down the dirty, Froggy Gaul that awaited.

You're just going to have to take my word for it in regards to the Gaul, but rest assured, I was victorious.

Good Lord, I'm a nerd.

Oh, and by the way, not only is Immodium an essential when you travel, but so is a good jacket, and a big plastic garbage back to wrap up your cast when caught in the rain.

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