Just when you think things are starting to go swimmingly...
BLAMMO!!!
You fall down some stairs and break yourself in several pieces.
Or at least that's what happens to me.
Sunday morning, 2:30am. I wake up to use the bathroom. Then I decide I need a drink. And then I decide that Josh needs his drink as well. I have mine in my hand, and go to get Josh's glass, which I know is in the living room. Unfortunately for the Aycocks, I forget that it is a sunken living room, with two steps leading down. (we had JUST moved into this new temporary apartment on Friday). Well, I feel myself flailing. My ankle goes in, I hear a pop, my ankle goes out, I hear a pop, and I'm down on the ground, in a camisole and thong, wailing for Josh. (btw, I don't break the glass, or even spill it on the way down)
Josh does a little "oh my god" dance for about thirty seconds, then gets on the phone and calls for an ambulance. I'm shivering uncontrollably at this point - it's a tiled floor, and I'm half-nekkid. So he wraps me up, and puts some pajama pants on me. THEN he tells me "Don't look at your ankle.".
Crap. I mean, I know it's broken, just by the pain & the sound my ankle made. But still. Don't look at it?? That can't be good.
FINALLY, the ambulance gets there. They wrap me up like a burrito, and try to carry me out. One thing I didn't mention about this apartment - we're on the basement level, down a curved flight of stairs. The EMTs quickly realize they will not be able to haul my burrito-ass up. SOOO, they call another ambulance. They get me into a Hannibal Lecter-esque chair and carry me up the stairs.
Meanwhile, I'm going in between shivering and sweating, and am very uncomfortable. And poor Sasha doesn't know what the heck is going on. And Rufus has been hiding in Narnia since the fall. And I can't even describe the look on poor Josh's face.
Finally we get to the hospital, where we wait. And wait. And wait. Before they do an X-Ray, they have to take a urine test to make sure I'm not pregnant. It is at this point I truly understand the magnitude of what I just did to myself. Because now, I cannot get off of a toilet by myself. Getting down is ok, because I can just kind of fall on the seat. Getting up? Impossible. So now my poor husband has to help me off a toilet, and then help me get my pants back up. This is not something that I wanted us to have to deal with until we were both, say, 75.
Well, fast forward to after the x-rays are done (the first of 3 sets I will eventually take). Turns out, both sides of my ankle are broken, AND it is dislocated. So, they have to put me into 'conscious sedation' to put the pieces back together. Let me tell ya - that was probably the worst thing I experienced. I had no clue where I was, or why. I couldn't feel anything, but it was like I was in a tumbling, twirling dream state. There were aliens probing me, and weird lights. And I could hear screaming in the background. I had no idea what the screaming was, but it was strange. Once I woke up, I found out the screaming was coming from me. How about THAT for sending some chills down your spine?!
While part of my bones were able to be put back together, it still wasn't good enough. So the orthopedic surgeon's assistant came in, injected a "block" in my ankle, and started manipulating my poor leg every which way. At this point, I've got percocet & the "block" (which is a numbing agent) so I really don't feel that bad. Until they tell me - I have to have surgery. The break is so unstable, I have to get plates & screws put in my ankle.
BOOOOOOO!!!! Tuesday, April 25th, I have my follow up with the orthopedic surgeon, and they'll tell me when I get surgery.
We finally get out of the ER at 1:00pm. Yes, I went thru this ordeal from 2:30am to 1:00pm. Not a good night. Now, I managed to get down to our apartment by sliding on my butt the whole way down the stairs. But it was still so exhausting. And every time I had to go to the bathroom, Josh had to help me the whole way there and back. We finally decided there was NO WAY I could stay in an apartment that handicapped-UNfriendly. Josh managed to break the lease, and find us a ground-floor hotel. It's much easier for me to get around here. Actually, as of Wednesday, I can manage to get to the bathroom and off the toilet by myself!! Josh bought me a bath chair, and a toilet riser. So I successfully feel like an 80 year old woman.
I still can't really do much, though. I have to lay down with my foot on a pillow. The swelling HAS to go down in order for me to get surgery. Unfortunately, there is only one English-speaking channel on the tv in the hotel (CNN). But, I have my laptop, and some books. And I have my percocet. I sleep a LOT during the day.
And let me tell ya - crutches SUCK!!! Although, maybe some good will come out of this. I'm using all kinds of muscles. I'm sore all over. I don't have much of an appetite. Best diet ever???
And Josh...my wonderful, caring husband. He has been so good about everything. Helping me off the toilet, helping me fluff my pillows, helping me in the shower. Do you know how embarrassing it is for your husband to undress you to put you in the shower, after 3 days in the same pair of underwear? He is basically being a single parent now. I really can't do much to help him at all. I have to start thinking of ways to repay him, after all of this is over. I'm really mad at myself - I basically ruined the next two months of our time in Germany.
BUT, when you you're a klutz like me, you kinda get used to the fact that shit happens.
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