Ms. Crankypants

I'm in a terrible, no-good, very bad, horrible mood. And because I'm in such a rotten funk, I refuse to let myself be lifted out of it. I want to enjoy the funk, wallow in misery, and go to the garden to eat worms. Except I can't even GET to the garden, because I'm stuck IN THIS FREAKING BED!!!!!

So, to further indulge my witchiness of the day, I've decided to make a list of things that are currently causing me to writhe in despondency. Because I want to, and you can't stop me.

1. I hate this cast. It's heavy, it itches, and it's uncomfortable.
2. I really wish I hadn't broken my leg. This is stupid. Damn your stairs, you stupid former apartment!! Damn your stairs to hell!
3. I have to give myself a shot of blood thinner, in the stomach, every night until Monday. This displeases me. Not because needles bother me, but because the medicine makes it feel like I'm getting stung by a bee. Plus, it's gross. And even though the doctor assured me that it is a complete myth, I'm terrified of accidentally injecting myself with air, and causing a major coronary embolism or whatever it is that Hollywood says will happen if you inject yourself with air.
4. I HAVE TO HAVE FREAKING SURGERY ON FREAKING TUESDAY!!!! There is not one part about it that makes me not unhappy. Not one single bit. I don't want to have surgery, and I curse those flipping stairs yet again.
5. I am stuck laying down 23.5 hours a day. The 0.5 hours is for the times I have to get up to go to the bathroom. It's my only escape from the drudgery of bedriddeness. Is that not the most pathetic thing ever? The most exciting part of my day is when I have to pee.
6. I hate crutches. They are a constant reminder that I am a weak klutz. Not only are they awful to try and maneuver in, but I am in constant fear of falling while on them. Which I did, once, in the bathroom. Luckily I caught myself on the toilet on the way down. :/
7. I feel like a 95 year old woman. Potty chair, shower chair, laying in bed all day....oh, just shoot me.
8. I have a window in my bedroom. The window is open, but I can't see out of it because it is covered with a rolladens. I'm convinced that other guests of the hotel gather outside my window and blow their cigarette smoke thru the screen to my room.
9. I'm bored with the internet. I've seen every website there is to see. There is nothing else. I'm at the end. You'd think I could be taking my German lessons, or reading more, or blogging more. But no. I have zero energy or enthusiasm to do anything. I am a lump of butter.
10. I'm in Europe and I can't do a damn thing that I want to do. I want to know which smartass in the great beyond thought that this would be a great joke to play on me.
11. I am being a gripy crankypants. Yes, I realize at the beginning of this entry that I said I wanted to bask in my own poo-colored aura. I really don't though. I want to be happy and bubbly in spite of the figurative cloud of fecal matter surrounding me.

Ugh, there. Maybe now that I got my complaints out, I can just reread this entry over and over to calm myself. Instead of raping Josh's ears like a nagging harpy.